is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
