Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
