4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
