So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
