i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
