i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
