I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
