So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
is that a dick in a sweater?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
