I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
