whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
