I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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