I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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