Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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