He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
