So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
