Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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