Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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