Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
