oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
