Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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