Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
