I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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