i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
