i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A bitchslap is in order.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
