i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Randomize
