It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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