Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
