if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
