i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
