Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
