I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
