yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
