Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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