I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I just put wine in my tea
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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