Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
