I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
