i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
