I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
