Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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