I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
