I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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