my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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