I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
