Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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