shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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