she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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