Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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