We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
