I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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