She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
