He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
