We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
