it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
