sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
