Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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