she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
