Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
