Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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