So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
