Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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