This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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