All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
