I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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