is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
