i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i believe in u and ur pee
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
