Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
