you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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