Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
