Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize