I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
