; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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