Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
