i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
