dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
