if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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