dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
