Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
