fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
