Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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