So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
