I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
