And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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