508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
