first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to sanitize my soul.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
