i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
